United States Government Announcement

Official Document

Effective immediately, the Eagle will no longer
be the Official Emblem of the United States
Government. The new emblem will be

This action has been taken because the condom
more accurately reflects the working of the
United States Government on behalf of United
States citizens.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production,
destroys the next generation, protects a bunch
of pricks, and gives you a sense of security
while you're actually being screwed.